What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 02:09
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
I never cut or harmed myself..
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
What does it mean when someone says "I'm feeling frisky"?
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
As i do to all so called friends.?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Why do I sweat between my legs all the time, top off my legs, all way down?
But it wasn’t much.
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
He resisted the act ,that day.
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Image of giant volcano on Mars captured by NASA orbiter - ABC News
And who doesn’t know suffering?
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
What are some good Caribbean islands to travel to with friends or family? Why?
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I was scared of men, in general
The Center of Our Universe Does Not Exist. A Physicist Explains Why. - ScienceAlert
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
I write beautiful poetry .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
What are the top 5 star Michelin restaurants near Pompano Beach, Florida?
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
I was seconnd youngest,
So, i spoilt her more .
And i lived it daily.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I’m 17 and looking for a girl. What do I do?
Was to survive, this bastard.
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
I said to her
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
How is the legalization of same-sex marriage impacting societal norms in the USA?
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I was very sick at this time too.
We were not on the streets..
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
I think the readers, may guess!
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
Im dying but, im not bitter.
It was going to be , some day.
I waited trembling.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
She wouldn,t have been !
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
Comes on , in middle age.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
What did i know ?
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
So whats the point in blame.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
I did it because my mum asked me too!
Ive learnt so much.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She loved him until the end.
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
When she asked me how she looked .
I have no regrets .
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
She married twice! .
I could never make a relationship work though!
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
My life is so biszare .
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I couldn’t, believe it.
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
Where the ultimate outsiders.
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
My family never makes their pension either.
She found it foreign!.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
(And it was in our own minds.)
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
Put me off passion for life!!
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Would this be the day?
All the time i was locked up.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
The only rule us 5 kids had .
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
This is soul school!.
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
But ive been too sick for many years..
But, we were locked up after school.
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
One cannot live in the past .
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
Im still living with it.
We all went to grammer schools
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
Why did i forgive my father ?
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
This is how, and why children get BPD.
He knew the spot.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
Who then, do I blame.?
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
I know ,a lot about trauma.
I will be 64.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I don,t even have a pension.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
I was 9 years of age.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
On the 31st of Jan this month .
She was in good health!
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.